Today I was turned away from 2 meetings. The first one was an open meeting at the gay center in Hollywood. The leader said I could not attend because I did not have a desire to stop drinking. Of course, this is not a requirement to attend an open meeting. But since they rented out the rooms from the center, they can reject anyone for any reason. But the real reason is that two weeks ago I stood outside the room and handed out my flyers (under the “Activism” tab) as the people left.
Tonight’s late night meeting in Weho was full of drama. It’s a regular meeting of mine, and I enjoy it. It’s a mixed gay-straight crowd and interesting people. Today I met a software guy — like me!
I was assigned to read from Chapter 3: More about Alcoholism. I love this chapter, because it says how the alcoholic is constitutionally different from normal people, and the belief that they are the same is delusional. Of course I announce my name and that I am not an alcoholic or addict, and then proceed to read it with gusto. “The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.” Of course this is pure brainwashing. Continue reading Late Night Live→
You can drink and drug until you’re in your 40’s, and run around and be crazy, and even neglect your children. Then, when you start feeling tired and old, just go to AA. Discover you have a disease, have a spiritual awakening, seek forgiveness from everyone you hurt, meet a good man there (don’t forget the 13th step!), and all is well again. It’s a great life!
Again today we heard this inspiring message at the Old-Timer’s meeting. Our distinguished speaker was a 60 y/o woman with a stage presence much younger than her years. Now she is an accomplished health professional with a loving family, but you wouldn’t expect that based on her childhood experience: there was a lot of violence in the home, and dad was super abusive. Continue reading The Purebred Liar→
Today I went to two meetings at the gay center. The first meeting wouldn’t let me in because I blogged about it last week (“Addiction Fiction”). Well now you tell me — I didn’t know you weren’t allowed to do that (I didn’t mention any specifics, including even first names). So instead I handed out my flyers, which were met mostly with anger and contempt. But some curiosity, which is greatly appreciated. One guy spoke to me and asked why I was doing this. I said because of the War on Drugs. He said I should do something more useful with my life. Continue reading Double header→
Tonight’s featured speaker was a 50-something woman who reclaimed her sobriety and her life among the gays at AA meetings in West Hollywood. She started life as a wild child from the very beginning. She had all sorts of issues early on, including anxiety and depression, and she said that she experienced things that would make anyone want to ‘check out’. It was not at all clear what could have been, however. Her mother was a little crazy, but likeable, and her father was a very responsible man, whom she appreciates much more now after he is gone (he died when she was a teenager). Continue reading Why didn’t you tell me that a long time ago?→
Tonight’s featured ‘alcoholic and addict’ at gay Hollywood AA was a handsome 40-something working actor. Incredibly he has been out for less than 10 years. Because of shame and guilt which he medicated with alcohol and other drugs, he played a straight man through his mid 30’s, while living a secret life at night hooking up with guys on drug fueled sexcapades.
He started drinking as a college student, the normal amount – no more or less than other guys. Of course, this is one of the first signs of the hapless alcoholic. It was all downhill from there. Continue reading Addiction Fiction→
At today’s gay Hollywood meeting, we heard from a youngish handsome mixed-race speaker. He grew up with an alcoholic father who would come home late at night, sometimes quietly, and sometimes very loudly. His parents would argue in the kitchen as dishes crashed in the background. Where were you? Who were you with? The screaming would continue until the wee hours of the morning. Continue reading Bill W Would be Proud→
Tonight’s featured speaker at our gay meeting in Hollywood was a middle-aged man (like me) who spoke about his battle with alcoholism and the importance of the program. His father was an alcoholic, and would use alcohol to create a buffer around himself, to protect himself from his rage-aholic wife. He would sit in his favorite chair, holding his drink up at chest level, watching his wife bemusedly as she yelled at him for various things (for being drunk all the time, not having enough money, neglecting the children, etc. etc). He would follow each of her rants with a drunken drawl: “OK and you can just go f–k yourself.” And then he would take another sip.
Let’s do an experiment. Take two groups of children. To one group you instruct:
Children, be careful around candy. Some people get addicted to candy. Here’s what happens: They start eating it and things seem ok at first, but after some time they find that they are unable to stop. Then, they eat all the candy, even though they are getting really fat and desperately want to stop. Even though they may not even really like the taste of the candy! For these children, the only solution is to completely ban candy from their lives. Otherwise they may succumb to the addiction again. It is a life-long struggle, although there are treatment programs for it.
Lately I’ve been participating more in meetings (of course, declaring that I am not an alcoholic). I have not received any open criticism. It actually has been a good experience. I can totally relate to a lot of what other people are saying, and I just go with it. I keep my shares short and acknowledge both the similarities and differences with others.
Tonight I was invited to participate by reciting one of the many canonical passages from the Big Book. Continue reading Yawny Time→
As you know from reading this blog, there are two types of addicts: the brainwashed and the liars. At today’s meeting in Hollywood we were privileged to hear from both.
Our featured speaker was a lovely woman who started drinking as a young lady after getting a job as a waitress at a bar. Even though she was a shy and delicate girl, there was something about being at the bar that made her comfortable. She felt at home with the alcoholics, whose ranks she soon joined. She spent the next 10 years blackout drinking. Continue reading Hollywood Special→
Addiction is a terrible thing. The addict is desperate for drugs and does terrible things to get them. Once he has them he doesn’t give a damn about anyone or anything. It is as if his soul is possessed by the devil. Of course, we are not religious and we don’t believe that literally. There is a scientific explanation for why the addict acts with such malice. His goal is not to hurt people; he is lying and cheating and stealing to get the drug. Although the child seems like a demon, he is actually in the throes of a medical disease and must be dealt with compassionately. In fact, entire industries were created to treat and research this disease. If you want to find a rehab, there are many. It’s a tough disease, but it can be treated. Never cured, of course, but treated. And people get better. Continue reading The Little Psychopath Could: How the Addiction Myth creates new Drug Addicts→
