If I get tired of the guy I’m dating, I don’t reject him. That would make me look bad. I’d have to explain why I started dating him in the first place and make up some story to avoid hurting his feelings — messy. Instead, I get really drunk and make an ass of myself in front of his friends. If that doesn’t scare him away (i.e. if he’s the ‘caretaker’ type), then I get really drunk and piss in his bed. If that doesn’t work (yes, some guys are crazy), I tell him that I have an alcohol problem, and the relationship threatens my sobriety. I need to focus on myself, but hope we can still be friends. Not much they can say to that.

Then I go to AA for a couple meetings and talk about how alcohol ruined my last relationship, and how I need help, and blah blah. Everyone is instantly my friend. And then in a couple weeks I’m back on the club circuit looking for my next dude. I figure I can keep up this game through late-middle-age. At least, that’s the sense I get based on the old-timers’ stories.