After much research I’ve discovered that the 10 Commandments were completely wrong. Here are the correct rules. Please teach them to your children – or you’ll be sorry!
- Don’t get in a car with a Nazi, neo-Nazi, soup Nazi (or any Nazi) and then tell us to ‘do good deeds’ after you get killed.
- Always use the crosswalk, especially if you are pushing a shopping cart.
- Don’t name your kid ‘Stormy’ or ‘Darwin’ or kiss them on the lips or drag them into bed with you and then lecture us about ‘common sense’ after they go on a shooting spree.
- Don’t launch a witch hunt against autistic and homeschool kids and then act surprised when they turn your school into a prison.
- Don’t eagerly cede your gun rights to the government and then get all pouty when they shoot you in the back of the head.
- Don’t abandon your mother and run off to Israel and then hyperventilate about ‘antisemitism’ when she is killed by local kids she knew their whole life.
- Don’t subsidize dysfunction for decades and then blame the recipients for ‘not Marxing hard enough’ as you shoot them.
- Don’t bash libertarians and then blame them when your society is reduced to cannibalism.
- Don’t identify as a supremacist and then destroy your own apotheosis.
- Don’t expel us from the Garden of Eden and say “I was just following G_d’s orders”.
Yes you can ignore these rules – but when your life devolves into chaos, don’t say I didn’t warn you!