And the Lesson Today is HOW TO DIE!

Simon Astaire has his personal imprint on many high profile calamities.

Elliot Rodger and his six victims

Astaire is the family’s close personal adviser and main link to the outside world.  “So many people are asking what could have led this young man to take the lives of 6 innocent people and injure 13 others.  So yesterday I spoke with close family friend and author Simon Astaire who knew Elliot Rodger since he was a little boy and witnessed his parents’ struggle to raise him first hand.”

Peaches Geldof

Astaire likely connected her father Bob with Peter Rodger for the movie Oh My God, and may have orchestrated young Peaches’ first marriage at age 19 with Max Drummey.  Like Darren Aronofsky (husband/boyfriend of his longtime client Rachel Weisz), Drummey was a social anthropology major from Harvard with a sophomoric fascination for the occult (expressed in his music Chester French, best known for an inexplicable flurry of press hype in 2008 before falling into obscurity).  Peaches had recently illegally exposed participants in a high profile pedophile ring, and died with an OTO/AA tatoo on her arm (Satanic cult associated with pedophilia).

(Peaches’ mother Paula Yates died of a heroin overdose, and her boyfriend Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS, died in mysterious circumstances, for which Yates blamed Bob, creator of the timeless ode to school shootings I Don’t Like Mondays.)

Mikhail Kravchenko

The Russian furniture magnate evidently made the fatal mistake of being seen holding hands with Princess Michael of Kent, wife of Prince Michael of Kent, head of Freemasonry and Astaire’s client.  He was the victim of an apparent contract killing at his home in Russia.  Says Astaire in the Daily Beast: “Prince and Princess Michael of Kent are very distressed to hear of this tragedy.”

Michael Jackson

Here is Simon predicting the demise of the King of Pop.  “I could easily be here in a few weeks’ time when he might have done something to himself….  He’s not well and I personally believe he’s heading for a very, very, very nasty end.”

Paris Hilton

Reciting from his playbook, Astaire cynically suggests that Paris get involved in charity to clean up her image:

Simon Astaire’s fiction

In Private Privilege, the semi-autobiographical account of Simon’s school years, his first year roommate kills himself and he is granted ‘private privilege’ in his second year by the administration — a room all to himself.  In And You Are…? his brother dies of a heroin addiction.  Mr Coles is about an alcoholic teacher’s systematic grooming of a young man entrusted to his care, and abounds with death and destruction.  The Last Photograph is about a father dealing with his son’s death in the Lockerbie bombing (whose text is framed by the work of Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran). [Editors note: Mr Coles is a work of genius.  We eagerly anticipate the movie.]


Died a horribly painful death from Ebola.  Said Astaire: “We regret his untimely passing but what would you expect from a guy deeply involved in an African pedophile ring?  After all, the disease is spread by bodily secretions.”

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2 thoughts on “And the Lesson Today is HOW TO DIE!”

  1. Regarding the last paragraph heading, which reads ” Addiction Myth”, is that a typo? Because it doesn’t make sense. The paragraph heading suggests that last paragraph is about you, A.M. Say what?? Requesting clarity, please.

    1. Sorry AM is no longer with us. His site is now being run by his charitable foundation which he established in the hours before his death to support World Peace initiatives, encourage celebrities to take up charitable work, fight sex traffic in Africa (deathbed conversion), fund research in mental illness and addictions, and support gun control. Donations in his memory may be sent to

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