How to Solve the Opiate Addiction Crisis

The opiate addiction crisis is killing kids across the country.  Over a hundred young people are dying every day from opiate addiction.  This crisis affects rich and poor alike, and both successful people and failures.  Recently Prince died of a percocet overdose.  He was known to have started developing an addiction recently.  His death shined a light on the problem.  Can anything be done?

Yes! Lots!

First of all, we must crack down on doctors who overprescribe opiates.  Any doctor who prescribes above the average rate in his vicinity should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  This includes both the number of prescriptions and the length.  No one needs drugs for more than a few days at a time.  If you give someone a 30 day supply they will get addicted almost guaranteed!  And if not them then some kid will come along and take them (even after being told a million times not to) and this creates a disease in the brain that makes them seek more of these pills even when people are telling them not to.  (And if you think addiction isn’t a disease then possibly you have a learning disorder.)

When doctors realize that they can’t prescribe these death pills so easily, that will give them much more control over their patients to get them to do exactly what is required to ensure optimal health and wellness.  Remember, doctors know best.

Secondly, we must offer much more early intervention and treatment.  Any child who so much as looks crosswise at an illicit substance must be examined for evidence of mental trauma or compulsive disorders so that we can patiently explain to them that this defect will make them act compulsively and are prone to a drug use disorder.  Only then can they begin to get a handle on the problem.  Now be patient with them, relapse is to be expected.  Also we must provide residential treatment for drug addiction like we do with diabetes, and which is also proven effective.  We cannot skimp on length of stay – 90 day treatments are shown to be most effective in overcoming the disease as it provides an opportunity to get these people to admit they even have a disease – denial is strong in these ones.  Since many overdose immediately after discharge, we should also prescribe Vivitroll to prevent craving.  At this point they will return to the ‘straight and narrow’, which is of course their true ambition.

Our society must learn to be much more accepting of addiction and we must reduce the shame and stigma associated with excessive drug use. Remember, it’s not a crime or a character defect.  It’s a disease and they don’t have control over it.  That’s why they are dying. Because they just want to not feel bad, and then they take one too many and then oops you’re dead.  Therefore we must provide more social services to addicts like free housing and education.  Because otherwise they will be out on the street shooting up.  If there’s one thing that generous social welfare policies show is that they don’t foster idleness and resentments but instead give people a comfy nest from which they can learn to fly.   And always treat the addict with love and kindness and don’t ever get angry at them – this will only provide them with resentments that will postpone their recovery.

Some people might think that overdose is suicide, since usually the victim can be found with every bottle of alcohol and drugs lying around them, empty.  However, this makes no sense because most middle age guys are eager to follow Trump and build a wall to prevent them from getting the heroin they crave.  They are actively working to solve their own problems, and this gives purpose and meaning to their lives.  Obviously it’s not suicide.

Some people say that we should decriminalize like Portugal.  However we are nothing like Portugal.  The idea that crime and addiction are caused by the drug war is ludicrous.  If you believe that you need to get a check up from the neck up.

We now understand that religion is a cruel hoax and only serves to exacerbate our mental illnesses to manipulate us so that we can be abused and exploited by the capitalists.  We must take back religion by remaking the god of our own understanding.  People are naturally good, and so our gods are good too.  This is the key to recovery – realizing that we are all one with the universe.  As Prince recently texted, “I am ONE-derful.”  We should be more like him.

If we don’t support the addicts and give them everything they want then they will rape and kill us.  They are like zombies in the walking dead.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  I know this because I am an alcoholic and drug addict myself.  I was prescribed oxycontin for a sports injury and I used it for years and I was in complete denial and it adversely affected my life and work and social relationships.  It’s evil!  I nearly died from my disease.  If we don’t get kids into early intervention and treatment, which experienced and compassionate people like me will oversee, then they will die too!

We must do these things if we are ever to reduce the unintentional deaths by overdose.  If you disagree with me then you have a learning disorder.  Oh you have a different opinion?  As they say, opinions are like ass-holes – everyone has 3.

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