The following document was procured from the desk of Stanford psychiatrist Dr. Keith Humphreys by an undercover AddictionMyth operative posing as a patient seeking treatment for a substance use disorder.
Project ‘Emancipation Proclamation’
A Progress Report on Our Plan to Take Over the World
Dear Mr. Soros,
The following is a progress report as of November 2014 on our top secret plan to take over the world and enslave the masses. The conspiracy requires convincing people that addiction is a brain disease and then we will institute universal random drug testing with a zero tolerance policy and this will be followed by swift and certain sanctions of rapidly increasing penalties and require lifetime 12 Step attendance for anyone who has at any point tested positive for detectable levels of non-prescribed drugs or alcohol in their system. In these groups (such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous) they will be abused and exploited for sex, money and labor, and then the ones who are noncompliant or no longer useful will be brainwashed into suicide. The remaining thugs and psychopaths will operate as a group at your whim. I am pleased to report we have already made great progress on all fronts.
Of course our plan requires that children be deprived of any kind of moral or religious education so that they are unable to distinguish between right and wrong and believe that all truths are relative. Great progress has already been made:
- 78% of college students now believe that “2 + 2 = 4” is simply a “social convention agreed upon by old white men”.
- 82% believe that a typical mass murderer has an untreated ‘mental illness’ or ‘drug addiction’ and their crimes can be prevented by greater access to mental health services and ‘drug treatment’.
- 77% of parents withhold judgment and discipline from their children at all costs to befriend them and protect their fragile self-esteem.
- 62% of the population believes that all religions are fundamentally destructive and pose a grave threat to peaceful civilization and progress and people who still believe in ‘God’ are dangerous extremist fanatics.
I congratulate you and your agents in Hollywood for your achievements in this area over the last 40 years without which our plan would be unworkable.
George Koob, Arthur Caplan, Robert DuPont, Angela Hawken and I have been working hard to legitimize science and public policy to realize your dream. Here is a summary of our progress:
George Koob – NIAAA
Dr Koob has been publishing beautifully illustrated science fiction speculation about how the disease of addiction might actually work in the brain to produce a reward feedback loop that makes the victim have anonymous sex and rob drug stores for Oxy without realizing that they are doing anything wrong (or even worse, realizing that they are doing wrong but being completely unable to stop themselves). This ‘zombification’ strategy has been incorporated into propaganda published by NIDA and SAMHSA to convince children that if they do drugs they will do things they regret even if they seem like fun at the time but will eventually turn into a disease before they know it and that they can always claim ‘blackout’ if they really don’t want to remember their shenanigans and that most kids who have the disease are in total denial about it as proven by his extensive research on drunken rats.
Arthur Caplan – NYU
Art has been working hard to provide a bioethical justification for enforced drug compliance by arguing that the addict is enslaved to their drug of choice and therefore we are setting them free with coercive treatment. Arthur notes that most drug users are too stupid to be able to decide for themselves whether they want treatment as proven by the fact that they took drugs or alcohol in the first place. Arthur notes that most drug users are even less intelligent than the average American voter. Arthur’s work inspired the title of our project: Emancipation Proclamation.
Robert DuPont – NIDA, ONDCP
Dr DuPont has a long career of institutionalizing drug testing and his extensive experience includes a financial stake in drug testing companies. He has already made great strides with state level physician oversight programs that have destroyed the careers of many physicians who were suspected or falsely accused of using drugs or alcohol by requiring them to submit to onerous conditions such as 5 year biweekly AA attendance and frequent random drug testing and referrals to expensive rehab programs run by the oversight committees themselves. He believes these programs can be expanded to all states and then into schools and finally to healthcare facilities. He recommends that everyone be required to undergo a randomly scheduled yearly check-up (free under Obamacare) at which time they will be tested for drugs using only testing kits approved by him personally to ensure greater compliance and reliability. Rob reminds us that this is the “American Way” to health and prosperity, and any follow-up testing required after a positive result will be offered at a ‘nominal charge’ to the patient and can be taken at numerous secure locations such as local police stations, county hospitals and correctional facilities where immediate treatment can be provided in the event of a confirming result.
Angela Hawken – Pepperdine
Angela has published well respected research showing that ‘swift and certain’ sanctions for drug use (e.g. short term jail stays) greatly reduces drug use in parolees. They are much less likely to use drugs when they know they can be tested at any time, and a positive test will result in an immediate punishment. This result comes as a surprise since behavioral modification is not considered effective treatment for most diseases, but evidently ‘drug addiction’ is an exception to that rule. Angela advocates for expanding these sanctions to other jurisdictions as well as testing their effectiveness on other diseases such as asthma and cancer. Angela recommends increasing sanctions on repeated violations such as higher fines and longer jail stays. She does not recommend amputation of body parts however I believe I am making progress with her on medically supervised sterile detachment as long as ‘best efforts’ are made to maintain the parts securely for reattachment upon successful completion of the prescribed treatment regimen.
Keith Humphreys – Stanford
I have been working hard to convince government agencies that effective public policy does not require scientific justification. This way we can promote the ‘clubhouse model’ of addiction treatment where anyone who has tested positive for any drugs or alcohol (or has been suspected by work or school administrators of using drugs) can be sent for enforced compliance with anti-craving medications like Vivitrol and can be introduced to 12 Step programs where they can find spiritual fulfillment through a higher power of their choice. They will be required to attend on a daily basis for the rest of their lives but will be allowed to meet with the fellowship outside the clubhouse after they have shown mastery of Big Book theology as demonstrated by the suicide of a sponsee, which will also serve as a reminder for everyone of the danger of ‘drug addiction’ and that ‘some must die so that others can live’ and provide the epidemiological justification for the program.
We are very excited by our achievements so far and look forward to continued progress. Very soon you will have armies of recovery-addicted zombies that you can control to enforce goodness and fairness around the world so you can ‘one-up’ the failed god who did nothing as you accompanied the Nazis while they looted, raped and killed countless people including members of your own family.
Your Trusted Servant,
P.S. Absolutely no one suspects a thing. Just for fun I left out this information for one patient who is particularly nosy. But don’t worry he’s a paranoid schizophrenic with persistent florid psychosis usually involving intricate government conspiracy fantasies and delusions of grandeur. Plus he’s a confabulator and has treatment resistant scabies (which he consistently denies) so he is isolated from the other patients and everyone just ignores or ridicules everything he says!
- Substance Abuse: A New Paradigm for Long-Term Recovery by Robert L. DuPont MD & Keith Humphreys PhD
- Drug Testing and the Future of American Drug Policy
Robert L. DuPont, M.D.
- Random Drug Testing for All? The Chilling Proposal That Could Eradicate Your Privacy
- Scientific evidence alone is not sufficient basis for health policy by Keith Humphreys and Peter Piot
- Long-Term Recovery by Keith Humphreys
- Addiction Medicine Review Course 2012 – Koob & Humphreys
- Angela Hawken Explains Addiction
- Arthur Caplan Touts Coercion
- George Koob on The Neuroscience of Addiction
- Scott Teitelbaum’s School for Scoundrels
5 thoughts on “Project ‘Emancipation Proclamation’”
This is just hilarious….a really funny spoof.
Do what you have to do believe what it takes do it talking about it just gives you something to do.
You think you’re so funny. You’re an idiot. You must be cheeking again. I ordered thorazine pr. Evidently that’s how you like it. Speaking of which, missed you today. I should be free round lunchtime tomorrow xo
OK I might be a little out of it o_O
Not a problem 🙂